This is a tasty burger

“The path of the righteous man,” quoth the great Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction, “is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish, and the tyranny of evil men.”

Old Ezekiel probably had something else in mind entirely while penning the source material, but the lesson holds true if you replace “righteous man” with “burger lover.” The world is filled with evil men in crowns and clown suits pushing sinfully inadequate burgers, driven by their devotion to the bottom line rather than the glory of uplifting burgerdom.

Luckily, some sanctuaries exist where the faithful can take communion. One such place is Oroville’s Righteous Burger, which serves delicious, large and lovingly crafted burgers, hot dogs and appropriate trimmings worthy of the most pious burger devotees.

The restaurant’s d"cor is fairly sparse, with just a few framed posters of ‘80s movies and icons scattered here and there on white walls. But at least they’re cool posters—Atari, Bruce Lee, The Breakfast Club—that set a subtle theme rather than schlocking up the joint. (I would’ve loved to drop a few quarters into a Defender machine while waiting for my burger, though.)

The focus is instead on the menu, and what a magnificent menu it is. The cornerstones here are the Righteous Burger ($5.19) and the Righteous-with-cheese ($5.79), and in this cheese lies much of the establishment’s righteousness. Smothering a patty of naturally raised beef is a glorious mass of cheese that spills over the burger’s edge to create an oversize crown of golden, molten, melty-in-the-middle and crispy-on-the-edges cheese.

Hallelujah!

From this fundamental burger spring many denominations, from the fairly conservative Grilled Onion & Jack (self-explanatory) to the more offbeat Peanut Butter and Bacon. Somewhere in between lie the Pesto Burger, The Prospector (a mix of grilled onions, mushrooms and barbecue sauce), The Pastrami and Swiss with Bacon, and nearly a dozen other options (ranging from $6.19 to $6.49).

The abundance of ingredients available from this broad menu could make for some amazing custom creations, and the folks there seem just about righteous enough to let you have it your way. So righteous are they, in fact, that one of their menu items, the Crunch Burger, sprang from a customer’s suggestion to slap some potato chips on a burger.

I chose the Grilled Mushroom & Jack burger, and was pleased with my decision upon witnessing how gloriously some of the grilled mushrooms had fused into the aforementioned crown of cheese. Miraculous! The burger was abundantly juicy, and every bite was a joy.

For those who fear they may have gained a few pounds just reading the last 400 words, turkey can be substituted for beef (50 cents extra), and chicken sandwiches are also available. For the rest, an extra beef patty (or, I’m assuming, two or three, but that’s just insane) can be added for $1.50.

The variety of hot dogs, though not as broad as that of burgers, is nonetheless impressive, from your basic Ballpark Dog ($3.59) to a Carolina Dog ($4.49, garnished with coleslaw). My companions and I decided to split a Kansas City Dog ($4.09), which came lightly browned and topped with bacon, cheddar cheese, barbecue sauce and onions. At the suggestion of the friendly guy behind the counter, we opted for the grilled onions. It was a good choice.

We also shared an order of regular and an order of sweet-potato fries ($1.89 and $3.09, respectively), both of which were thin-cut, not-too-greasy and an excellent complement to the burger. I was disappointed not to have noticed the onion-fried green beans ($3.29) until after I’d ordered, and look forward to trying them next time I’m in Oroville, right alongside the custom two-pattied, jalape–o-Jack-bacon-blue-cheese-mushroom-grilled-onion Crunch burger I intend to order. It’s gonna be righteous.

Amen.