The Darwin Awards II: Unnatural Selection

My biggest fear is dying with regret. So if my epitaph ends up being an entry in the Darwin Awards, the worst of my fears will have been realized. As an introduction to her second collection of stories, Wendy Northcutt explains that “The Darwin Awards commemorate those individuals who ensure the long-term survival of our species by removing themselves from the gene pool in a sublimely idiotic fashion.” One of my favorites is the guy who was filming a forklift safety demonstration, when, “with the cameras rolling, he piloted the forklift across the yard, lost traction on a patch of loose gravel, and was thrown from the cabin and crushed.” Of course the man was driving too fast over uneven ground without a safety belt. Distinctions are made between true Darwin Award winners, Honorable Mentions (where the idiots didn’t die), and unconfirmed Urban Legends. I vow never to make it past Honorable Mention.