Stand by your man

When will local Donald Trump devotees come out of the closet, so to speak? It’s been a long time coming. After all, this newspaper has been writing about his political ambitions for well over a year.

In that time, we’ve heard little in the way of actual support for him and his policies—whatever they may be, other than, you know, kicking undocumented Mexicans out of the country and, say, making sure Muslims aren’t allowed here in the first place.

I get it. I mean, it takes a special kind of person to agree with Trump’s xenophobic rhetoric, his racist and misogynistic screeds, his merciless bullying, including that time he mockingly imitated a New York Times reporter’s physical disability. Remember that?

No, instead of standing behind their candidate, most so-called Trumpsters instead malign Hillary Clinton over allegations that follow her but never result in anything concrete—at least criminally. Fact is, her scandals fall flat. Benghazi? A two-year investigation (read: GOP witch hunt) and countless hearings on the matter have cost taxpayers more than $7 million, but nobody has pinned the tragedy on her. That private email server controversy? Clinton didn’t break the law there either, although she obviously was trying to be secretive.

I could go on. But the point is, it’s easier to go after the embattled former secretary of state than it is to back Trump. It’s easier to bring up Monica Lewinsky than it is to advocate for the The Donald’s fantastical plan to compel Mexico to pay for construction of “the wall.”

CN&R has received a few letters to the editor in recent weeks from writers extolling Trump’s virtues. Thing is, most have come from phony email addresses from writers using a nom de plume. That is, people have sent this newspaper letters of support, but they’re unwilling to use their real names.

So, Trumpsters, here’s a challenge: Stand by your man. If you truly believe he’s the best person for the job, make your case. Tell readers why you’re behind the billionaire businessman. Please, enthrall us. But make it about Trump, not Clinton.

Speaking of anonymous letters, I recently received one from the nonexistent email address trailofturds@gmail.com. In it, the unnamed author wrote an open letter “to the owners of dogs who enjoy Upper Park.” It’s the most hilarious correspondence sent to me in long time and provided a moment of much-needed levity. I’m making an exception here to our rule of not printing pen-named letters.

“Do I shit in your park? No. Do you shit in my park? No. But your dog shits in our park. If I shat in the park, I’d pick it up. If you shat in the park, you’d pick it up. Why does the dog shit not get picked up? No one likes walking on the Trail of Turds. Pick up your shit. And your dog’s shit.”

I get where the writer is coming from and, believe me, the sentiment applies to Lower Park as much as it does the portion of the park upstream. Personally, what annoys me the most are the little dog-doo baggies that people drop on the ground after going through the trouble of picking up their pet’s feces. Who does that? Come on, find a trash can.