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Disposable entertainment (and humans) for your holiday pleasure
… VS. ONE TIGHT SWEATER
No human, on the screen or in the theater, stands a chance.
This sequel to Alien vs. Predator, the novelty hybrid between the two popular sci-fi franchises, is by no means a good movie. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that it is a boring movie, and sometimes that is all it takes for an adequate seasonal matinee time-killer.
Blithely ignoring the set-up and events of the first entry, here the Predators are having a little bit of an infestation problem aboard their ratty spacecraft. Chests are bursting and acid blood is sizzling on the deck. Things go from bad to worse, and the ship spirals out of control to crash land in the foresty outskirts of a sleepy Colorado town. The wreckage is happened upon by a hunter out teaching his son how to track and shoot Bambi, and in short order faces are being hugged and human blood is flying.
Say what you will, but any horror film that whacks a kid in the first 10 minutes is off to a good start.
Soon, Aliens are skittering off toward town and disappearing down into the sewer system. Meanwhile, off in deep space, a Predator pest-control officer is dispatched to head in and do some clean-up. And the concept of collateral damage isn’t in his playbook.
Battlefield: Downtown, USA.
With no plot to get in the way, there’s a gnarly early-'80s vibe to the proceedings (with more than a little debt to Return of the Living Dead in particular), and the narrative is refreshingly approached as a non-name ensemble piece. As a boon to audience members with ADD, there’s only a slight nod to character development (aka: Archetypes for Dummies) before the two enemy forces begin to bang away at each other. And for those who appreciate a gloves-off approach to their mindless mayhem, there are more than a few lines crossed here—Alien Queen in the maternity ward, anyone? Oh, yes. There will be borderline Hentai.
If nothing else, it’s a nasty R-rated sibling to the PG-13 first entry that dispenses with the sci-fi trappings and just sets about building up the body count. It’s disposable viewing, but not intolerable. Sometimes that is enough. Especially during the holidays.
