Scandal

I’ve lately been watching Scandal, a new ABC series. I haven’t lost my mind. Jeff Perry, who plays Cyrus, is my wife’s brother—and I love him like one—so I’m interested. Scandal debuted in April and is about Olivia Pope, the ultimate Washington, D.C. lawyer/fixer, and her merry band of “gladiators in suits.” One of the characters said that.

It was hard for me to watch at first. My impression was that all of the smart people, especially the people who work for and with Olivia, talk fast. They’ve figured out all the angles and they respond instantly to each plot point. All the people were in a hurry, and they made me tired. Everybody was witty, too, and articulate. None of them even said, “Uh.” Either things have slowed since the premier of Scandal or I’ve adjusted to what I thought was a breakneck pace, because it’s not so hard to watch as it used to be. I think I listen faster.

Shonda Rhimes is a hellified writer, inventive and interesting, and I like seeing what she comes up with between commercials. I may even see more of Grey’s Anatomy, which she also created.

The characters in Scandal get into difficulties mostly because they’re greedy or megalomaniac, now and then just rash. Most are ambitious and unscrupulous, people I like to avoid because I don’t think you can be unscrupulous and ambitious and happy simultaneously, and unhappy people are a pain in the ass, especially in public office.

There was a piece in The New Yorker recently about Scandal, and the writer went on and on about how beautiful Kerry Washington, who plays Olivia, is. While Ms. Washington is easy on the eyes, I wouldn’t like to be around Olivia Pope any more than I absolutely had to. She’s a nightmare. Abraham-Hicks talks about people who’d rather be right than happy. Olivia Pope would rather be right than anything and gives me the willies. I wouldn’t want to be in the same room with her.

While we’re on the subject of Olivia Pope, I admit I’ve subjected her to my standard superficial assessment, and she scores well. After careful scrutiny and much soul searching, I’ve concluded that Olivia wears a panty girdle.

I have scrutinized her form from every available angle, including a stunning full-body profile in Episode 3, and I can imagine no way that haunches like that could exhibit so little motion in motion. Her buns could be as tight as her schedule allows, but flesh like that moves differently without restriction. Sometimes her pants are baggy and sometimes they caress her; those variations represent deliberate, inconsistent and timid decisions. Olivia could stand to loosen up.