Piranha 3-D

Piranha 3-D may is unapologetic in its crassness, using a send-up of Girls Gone Wild as a launching pad for spreading acres of boobies and booties across its 90-minute running time. Sometimes director Alexandre Aja (Haute Tension) even chums with something that resembles a plot: A fissure opens up beneath the lake of an Arizona tourist trap, releasing an old school of piranha … a very old school—looking all prehistoric-like, making their contemporary brethren look like goldfish. Of course, it’s on the eve of spring break, and the sheriff (Elisabeth Shue) already has her hands full with a fornicatory stew of drunken hard bodies (aka meat). And then … Fish, boobies, blood. That’s pretty much it. The subtext indicates an unbridled loathing for the kind of bottom feeders eager to debase themselves on reality TV, which means that everyone here must die. Very, very horribly. Well, except for the ones you know won’t die. And even then … Feather River Cinemas and Tinseltown. Rated R