Noir challenged

Anyone with a fondness or appreciation for film noir will spot the twists and turns of this wannabe Euro-trash wankfest a mile away, leaving them to endure interminable stretches of unlikable characters nattering about pretty much nothing until their suspicions are confirmed.

A fairly well-to-do Madison Avenue-type (Colin Clive, looking like Nicolas Cage’s constipated sibling) meets cute with a flirty fellow passenger on a commuter train (Jennifer Anniston looking as if she’s reading off of a teleprompter). One thing leads to a sleazy hotel, where the tryst is interrupted by a genuine euro-trash thug (Vincent Cassel) who proceeds to get all class resentment on their asses. Blackmail, children in peril, and murder ensues, with a couple of rappers dropping by to qualify for their SAG cards. Even worse, the writer doesn’t even have the conviction to follow through with the conventions of noir, providing for a thematically unsatisfying ending. If I’m gonna watch Euro-trash, make mine interesting. This wasn’t.