Local bastard

Pulled another boner. When is the News & Review going to learn? It’s not appropriate to speak freely. Especially about sex. While our little community (and the rest of the freedom-loving country) might go limp over a free newspaper printing full-color images of dildos—lots of glorious, brightly colored dildos with realistic veins and extra tiny dildos attached for those extra tiny spots— Local Bastard on the other hand is standing at full attention these days. Normally a big ol’ softy, L.B. is so very glad to have all those extra rejected issues from last week at hand.

Not tired yet. All this hot dildo talk reminds L.B. of his dream of writing a sex column. It’s probably exactly what Chico needs. I mean if Chico State’s Orion can have a 12-page, full-color sex column inserted into the paper, why can’t the CN&R reserve a dark little room in the back of the paper with high-speed Internet access for L.B. to do his thing? If you haven’t seen the Tired Yet? insert from last week’s Orion, you gotta check it out. That sleepy-eyed chick leaning over all tired from working out on the cover … well, let’s just say that both the CN&R and Orion have been within hand’s reach this week.

Naughty bits. Egads. A PG-13 Harry Potter! Now we’re getting somewhere. Still, the only way they’re going to get L.B. to put on his trench coat and brave the fall weather for a movie with wizards and goblets is if this Potter noise gets pushed to R.

Isn’t that Hermione chick 18 yet?

TO DO: Erotic Art Show: The Chico State A.S. Women’s Center is going all out, adding fire dancing, belly dancing, music and poetry to its annual visual art exhibit— Friday, Dec. 2 at Crux Arts ( www.cruxarts.com). (Speaking of those busy Cruxters, there’s a rumor floating around that they are looking to move out of the sticks and closer to downtown, with more extensive live music component accompanying the move—In the wake of Fulcrum’s demise, here’s hoping the rumors are true.)

T WO MORE: Best sex news site on the Internet = World Sex News ( www.world-sex-news.com). Headlines this week include: “Orgasm: unity or separation?” “Chinese sex museum opens to kids,” and “Rural men are condom plonkers.” Also, Erotic Life Cast Sculptures ( www.privatesculpture.co.uk): Finally, someone who can make a cast of your vagina to hang on the wall! Or, have a personalized dildo that looks just like your lover’s. (For tamer body casting check: www.lifecasting.org.)