Local bastard

Hot French news anchor: Local Bastard cannot help himself. French newscaster Melissa Theuriau is a hottie. And she’s French! C’mon!

R.I.P: Thurs., Nov. 17, 2005 will go down in Chico music history as the day both Squirrel vs Bear (Chico’s favorite dance-punkers) and Fulcrum Records called it quits. SVB will be opening for the Phenomenauts at Off Limits, and Fulcrum’s finale will feature Portland popsters Wow & Flutter and locals The Americas and West By Swan.

“It’s like Vegas … if it were run by Ned Flanders.” Straight from Branson, Missouri, Merrill Osmond is coming to the Paradise Performing Arts Center (Dec. 10, 7 p.m.) to play a Christmas show benefit for Feather River Hospital. He’s being billed as a founding a member of that “original boy band,” The Osmond Brothers.

The Moss is spreading. L.B. got word from local music icon Kim Gimbal ( Spark ‘n’ Cinder, plus a million more) that popular Chico bluegrass crew Mossy Creek (which Gimbal plays mandolin for) just returned from performing at the International Bluegrass Music Association’s giant World of Bluegrass conference (Oct. 24-30) in Nashville. Mossy Creek also recently took first place at the Emerging Artist Competition at the Bluegrassin’ in the Foothills Festival in Plymouth, Calif., and has just released its second CD (available at www.mossycreek.org). L.B. is doin’ his own pickin’ as he writes this.

Let the bitching commence. You think you don’t need the advice, but you do. Tune in next week for the mother of all columns. Oooh. Scary…

TO DO: What ever happened to L.B.’s favorite San Fran band Track Star? Well, the best quiet-loud-quiet band ever is now in indie-rock heaven. Co-frontman Wyatt Cusick still plays with the Aisler Set and has kicked around with that dude from Ladybug Transistor, and other co-frontman Matthew Troy is coming to Chico this week! Troy’s latest crew, Calling All Monsters, might have a silly name but they rock in an excellent noisy Sebadoh/ Archers of Loaf/Track Star-ish way. Throw your fist in the air Thurs., Nov. 3 at Off Limits.

TO BURN: Neil Diamond 12 Songs, produced by Rick Rubin. Similar in feel to Rubin’s work with Johnny Cash, it sounds as if Rubin captured a rehearsal (albeit a well-recorded one) with Diamond hashing out songs destined for bigger productions—Yeah, it’s as sweet as it sounds. Plus, the lyrics! From the awesomely titled, “ Hell Yeah”: “Still, I think about myself/ as a lucky old dreamer/ and if you’re asking me to tell/ is it worth what I paid?/ You’re gonna hear me say/ hell yeah, it is.” Perfect.

Also, bonus track, “ Delirious Love,” with piano, tambourine, handclaps and Brian Wilson singing harmonies.

TWO MORE: A quick shout out to One Block Radius, the bay area crew that includes former Chicoan Marty James (of Scapegoat Wax fame) as the band’s “ Black Mercedes” was recently featured as the Download of the Week at iTunes.com.

Last, local musical legend and all-around good guy John LaPado is recovering from stomach cancer surgery, and L.B. encourages all to send love his way.

Get better soon, friend.