Local bastard

Yer all suckers! Local Bastard sez, “Riddle me this? How much would you pay to see a guy with the following bio perform?”

In 1971, John formed the classic rock show band Daddy-O. Daddy-O did a vaudeville/slapstick show to ’50s music and performed in Las Vegas and Reno showrooms as well as Disneyland and other theme parks. He was also the singing voice of Rueben the Ringmaster at Circus Circus in Reno.

Five bucks? One? A nickel? How many of you said $60? Well, it is your lucky day, bro, because the “John” in question is none other than John Tristao, lead singer for Creedence Clearwater Revisited, and one “VIP” ticket for his glorified cover band’s Oct. 21 show at Colusa Casino is going for, no joke, $60. Or, if you’re a cheapskate, you can go for the jerk-ass “preferred” tix for $30.

This is actually for real: $30-$60 to see the original bass player and drummer and three has-been ringers cover the classic songs of Creedence Clearwater Revival. No Fogertys, dead or alive, in sight. You might as well take about 15 minutes and burn that $60 in the poker slots, then go take a nap in your R.V. in the parking lot. Better yet, go to Amazon.com and buy the remastered box set of every CCR album for $53.97.

Oh, if the background info above on Mr. Tristao wasn’t enough for you, take a bite of this tasty nugget: (from his bio) “Big shoes, big hands, big voice ‘what can you say? Do the math’ the little girls understand.”

Well done, sir.

If it’s too loud, you’re too old. L.B. is no fan of nostalgia rock anyway. McCartney. Clapton. Who cares? Give it a rest already. Despite my ranting, there will likely be a few Sir Paul and Slow Hand strokers out there who will be all bunched up about this week’s local music cover story, what with all those young faces crowding out Chico’s storied legends. But L.B. says, “Get off the bar stool and do something new or yer finished.”

My leather teddy. Take it however you need to, but L.B. really digs the disturbing, scary, messed-up, unnerving and fascinating art of one Trevor Brown. Take a quick tour around his site ( www.babyart.org), all the typical stuff is there: dismembered baby dolls, severed penises, rubber Medusa-like dildo doll head (as well as the untitled “new painting,” pictured above). You know, just your standard I’ll-bet-the-FBI-is-tracking-me-now fare.

TO DO: Is Fulcrum closing its doors to regroup and look for another site to put on live music after this month? Is it staying put? Don’t risk missing out on what might the last shows at the dinky record shop. Oct. 20: Punk rock w/ Lose None and Gruk. Oct. 22: A mixed bag of experiments w/ Botchii, Botox and Oubliette Perish. Oct. 24: More punk w/ Panty Shanty, Stormin’ Norman and Bloody Knuckles. Oct. 27: Abominable Iron Sloth, The Americas and more.

TO BURN: Early Man! Growing out of your tight little indie pants? No worries, indie giant Matador has gone and gotten itself some big ol’ metal. The two-piece’s first full-length, Closing In, harkens back to the early days of Sabbath, Maiden and Metallica. Yeah, it rocks.

TWO MORE: A company called BT Futurology is working on computer chip technology that would make it possible for a woman to listen to music from her breasts. The idea is that one boob would hold an MP3 player and the other the person’s whole music collection. (Insert hilarious pun here: “That’s my kind of Surround Sound!”). Read about it at PervScan : www.pervscan.com/2005/10/17/musical-breast-implants.

Also, check out some of BT’s other Active Skin ideas ( www.btplc.com/Innovation/News/tank.htm), where skin cell-sized chips are projected to be able to do things like automatically apply makeup, or make your skin into an electronic communications center.