Local bastard

Where you Goin’ Chico? They’re here. The fuel that makes our little town glow is slowly refilling the empty apartments and parking spots, and Local Bastard would like to extend his clammy hand to welcome every pink-faced student to the party. As the local shopkeep busies himself stacking those red, plastic cups ever closer to heaven, let’s all take a moment to plan ahead: Chico is fun. It’s fun for little freshman angels in low-rise jeans, and it’s fun for beady-eyed creeps sweatin’ through thrift-store tees. But, if this fun catches fire, let’s all agree now that it’s OK to stomp out the flames, even it means knocking the air out of the party. Sure, feelings might get hurt, and our undeniable right to party might seem to be compromised, but it’s not. It never is. It just needs to wait its turn behind the right to breathe.

Ay, thar she blows! The increased low-rise presence has coincided with a high number of Whale Tale sightings, you know that voyeur-dream-come-true phenomenon where the thong rises up from down there like a sperm whale breaking the surface of a calm sea. See www.whale-tale.com for visual aids.

C’était amusement. Friday night at Fulcrum—Quelle party! Portland’s Eux Autres was no mere wimpy French-obsessed pop duo. Bro and sis Nicholas and Heather Larimer rocked. Really, really cool dynamics, complex and fun vocal harmonies and kick-ass clothes—Heather in striped tights and Nicholas in grey slacks. Are you kidding? Badass! Also, if you like tall, moody, floppy-haired, deep-voiced frontmen, don’t miss this night’s opener Slow Down Theo’s next show. They’re young, they’re local and John Simcox is that rare lead singer with an actual stage presence.

L.B.’s ear was bent a bit on Friday by Fulcrum owner Rene Stephens—recently returned from an extended holiday in Alaska—who has plans to revamp her music venue and stabilize the all-ages scene in the process. In her words: “I’d like to do some sort of regroup.” The hip rock spot is barely making ends meet each month, so the plan is to have a meeting of the minds with all the scene kids, musicians, artists, community leaders, local media, high school officials, etc., and try create a sustainable, nonprofit, all-ages music venue—hopefully in a larger space. So, L.B. says, don’t say anything. Just email fulcrumrecords@sbcglobal.net with the message of “I’m in,” and when word goes out in early September for the meeting, show up and be ready for action.

TO DO: Thurs., 8/11, 9pm: The Ponys @ Off Limits; Sat., 8/13, 6pm: Hip-hop/ Graffiti show w/DJ Matt Loomis, Full-Force Dance Co., Chachi, & more @ 1078 Gallery; Sun., 8/14, 6pm: Ed Mudshi (jazz punk sung in French, sounds German) @ Hell House; Wed., 8/17, 10pm: Squirrel Vs Bear/Birds of Fire/Cair Paravel @ LaSalles.

TO BURN: Reverend Run, “Mind on the Road” (www6.rsmusicgroup.com/revrun/ home.php), featuring bad-ass sample of “I Love Rock ’n’ Roll”.

TWO MORE: L.B. should have known that Hot Flash over at the Synthesis was a also a Leo. As a fellow “Sun,” H.F., remember that, as the bright, life-giving center of the universe everything revolves around the King! Also, a shout out to L.B.’s sister, Leslie Bastard, and her making it into the semifinals of the Scriptapalooza screenwriting competition. When you hit the bigtime and you’re casting for that first movie, don’t forget, your big bro can play 25 to 40.