Local bastard

Keg Run! Oooooooh. Pray for Local Bastard. Though the crankiness and the pasty, bloated form might suggest otherwise, L.B. is not much of a drinker. One or two pale ales—a nice evening. Three or four—a raging party. But, more than four and the arc is a long, painful one that passes through three phases:

1. Boisterous pontificating (or in really bad cases, solo dancing);

2. Aimless night-walk followed by a “nap,” either on grass or on linoleum

3. Two-plus days of angry bowels and water retention.

Thankfully, the play before the pain made the binge worthwhile. The occasion was a South Chico housewarming party for local drummer, artist and Upper Crust baker, Christian Lovgren and roommates, and all the cool kids were out—the young rockers, the crusty old rockers, the Synthesis crew and a ton of Upper Crusters (both new and old, L.B. included). A great night of live rock by the Arrangement Ghost (with a couple Royal Crown songs thrown in by the lovely Becky ) and The Deer was capped off by the unholy noise of The Makai , which ended just as The Man was dropping in to say, “no more.”

I’d like to teach the world to KILL!!! The devil = Coca Cola Zero . Besides the obvious contradiction of chilling while hopped-up on caffeine (yes, zero energy, but still plenty of speed), the new CCZ “chill” campaign is on, like, a Jim Jones Kool Aid kind of level of creepiness. Remember G. Love ? 1994. Well, he must really “like cold bev-ra-ges” because his update to the famous “teach the world to sing” song is the center of Coke’s new campaign, and it and its attendant rooftop slack-fest commercial is indeed chilling: “I’d like to teach the world to chill, take time to stop and smile/ I’d like to buy the world a Coke and chill with it a while” (sphincter-wink). The cult branches out from there (see: www.cocacolazero.com ) with great advice like the Homer Simpson -esque “Trying = Failure,” or the very, very hip “Your mind is your crib. Chill.”

TWO MORE: If you see North Valley Productions honcho Steve Schumann on the street, give him a big hug—vot only did his big spring Shawn Colvin concert in Cedar Grove get cancelled due to rain, but the upcoming Ani DiFranco show was just nixed as well (tour cancelled due to health). Or, maybe just buy tickets for his Richie Havens show at Cedar Grove , Aug. 20 ( www.chicotickets.com ). Last, Betty Burns is the new publicity person at the Blue Room , which none of you give a rip about, but that doesn’t mean it’s not fun to say the name: “Betty Burns.” Say it!