Into the woods

Ordinarily, the word “forest” strikes fear in Henri’s little coeur, and the word “ranch” makes him more than en peu uncomfortable as well, as he finds the very idea of work completely loathsome (although some day he would like to actually wear his chaps outside). And, of course, roadhouses aren’t really Henri’s cup of Earl Grey either.

Which is why he resisted the Forest Ranch Roadhouse for so long. But after learning that the restaurant had won the third annual Butte County Gold Chefs Challenge at TJ Farms back in July, Henri decided one recent glorious Sunday morning to brave nature and the elements and head up into the wilderness for lunch.

I started by lying to Miss Marilyn: I told her I was taking her to Pampered Pet for a facial.

Then I sneakily packed my Milano leather duffel with survival gear—flashlight, solar blanket, Tweezerman Deluxe nose-hair trimmer, bottle of Chateau Talbot Bordeaux—made sure I had a map and then headed out. It wasn’t long before Miss Marilyn sensed something was wrong, and she got a little, well, pissy. I ignored her and forged ahead, through the trees and mountains, pulling into Forest Ranch about 12:30 and quickly finding the Roadhouse. It’s the building with the boat and trailer—almost as large as the restaurant itself—parked unambiguously out front. Several large wolfy-looking dogs were tied up near the door, so I thought it best if Miss Marilyn waited in the car. She seemed fine with that. In her mood, she probably would not have made for a very affable dining companion anyway.

The Forest Ranch Roadhouse is tiny, with just three or four small tables inside and a little bar and four more small tables outside on the patio, the designers of which have done a marvelous job! Décor highlights include old barbecues, a loose pile of pine-needle-covered firewood, and a “No Parking” sign painted on the floor, adding to the authentic outdoorsy feeling, almost as though the little fenced-off patio had once actually been part of the parking lot. I was sure Miss Marilyn couldn’t see the “Wolf Crossing” sign from the car.

I was famished, and everything on the menu looked good. I ordered the fish and chips ($8.95), which included a delicious salad of mixed greens, Roma tomatoes and diced red onions with a light vinaigrette. The three lightly breaded pieces of hoki and large serving of fresh-cut shoestring fries were excellent, especially with the glass of house Chardonnay ($4).

I returned the following night for Mad Burger Monday and had another excellent meal. This time, while the Hawaiian burger (grilled pineapple with Teriyaki glaze, $5.95) was delicious, what really impressed me were the onion rings. Divine! Huge, fresh, juicy—truly the best Henri has ever tasted.

The Roadhouse is best known for its popular dinner menu, though, which it offers Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings only. Featured items include a range of steaks, seafood and chicken dishes ($15-$26), as well as regular specials, such as prawns with guajillo chiles and corn cakes ($18.95). With advance notice, the chefs will also cook lobster and other specialty dinners to order.

Sundays, the Roadhouse is open all day, serving breakfast until 1 p.m. Menu items ($6-$9) include omelets, breakfast burritos, a Greek scramble (feta cheese and green onions), and French toast with raspberry butter. There’s also a Steak and Ale Special (New York or rib-eye, three eggs, potatoes and a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, “straight or bloody") for $15.95.

Turns out I didn’t need my survival kit for either trip, and I don’t even plan to bring it along when I go up next weekend to try the New York steak with blue cheese. I won’t bring Miss Marilyn either. I think she saw the “Wolf Crossing” sign after all, and was atwitter for days afterward. Thankfully, however, she seems to have completely forgotten about the facial, although I still feel terrible about lying to her.