Days of Lore

“I’ve got sunshine, on a cloudy day / when it’s cold outside, I got the month of May.”—The Temptations

May Day
It’s May! Do you know what this means? Do you?! It is actually the greatest month in the history of greatest months. Quote me on that. I love this month so much that I’m actually starting a new emo band called Forever May … or Mayvember Tears … or maybe Group Hug on a Cold May Night?

I am particularly excited about May 2008. And, if I may, I’d like to share my excitement for May with you. May I? Awesome … may the force be with you.

A few things that make May important and special: It is Asian Pacific American Heritage Month. May is also Celebrate Older Adults Month and Mental Health Awareness Month. May is also New Zealand Music Month.

Wait, there’s more: I just read that in Japan they have something known as gogatsubyô, or “May Sickness,” where it’s said that people become bogged down with school and work during the month.

I promise to put and end to gogatsubyô once and for all. I’ve assembled May: How May I Love You Any More?: The Official Guide to May®. This semi-thorough and extraneously detailed guide will get you through the 31 days of May with knowledge and a newfound appreciation for the fifth month of our calendar year.

May 1:
Hey, that’s today if you’re reading this hot off the presses. Head on down to the El Rey Theatre tonight for the CAMMIES Awards Show, from 7-10 p.m. There will be performances by Candy Apple, Big Mo, Fallon, Groovediggers, Erin Lizardo, One Up The Acoustic DJ, The Shimmies and Three Fingers Whiskey, along with tons of other hijinks—all for five bucks!

Watching the two hosts stumble through the proceedings is worth the price of admission alone.

May 3:
The Kentucky Derby … important only if you have a gambling problem—in that case, bet on Cowboy Cal and thank me later.

May 5:
No, kids, Cinco de Mayo is not just an excuse to drink tequila at 8 in the morning while wearing sombreros. Cabrónes! The day commemorates the victory of Mexican forces over the French in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, and has since become a day to celebrate Mexican pride and heritage (which, for some, I guess could include tequila and sombreros).

May 11:
If you forget Mothers Day, you’re dead meat. Remember, your mom loves you even when you act a fool, or if you don’t love guns and Bush like your father does. Just sayin’.

May 13:
The release date for the first album by the Old 97’s since 2004. Blame It on Gravity has been playing nonstop around the CN&R office (and in my head), and if I may be so bold: It’s brilliant. Maybe that’s going a little overboard, but the new record does capture the essence of the band’s entire body of work—from the poppiest of the batch in “My Two Feet” to the straight country punk of “Early Morning.” I will say “The Easy Way” and “Here’s to the Halcyon” are both brilliant songs. I will say that.

May 22:
Easily the biggest box-office event of the year as Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull hits theaters Memorial Day weekend. I’ve been reading producer George Lucas’ diatribes on how critics and fans will hate it like they hated the last Star Wars trilogy.

I hope that’s just sour grapes. From what I’ve seen of the trailers and photos, the first Indy flick since 1989’s Last Crusade is in line with the originals. And if it’s not, well, you know … I WILL SET FIRE TO SKYWALKER RANCH, GEORGE! DON’T RUIN IT YOU SALTY, CGI-HAPPY LUNATIC!

Ahem … hooray for May!

Nothing against June