Days of Lore

Mad Mark’s beyond Thunderdome
Here we are! It’s almost 2008. I was thinking … it doesn’t seem very long ago that the year 2008 was being portrayed in movies as a time when leather-clad goons were racing around post-apocalyptic wastelands in modified cars with gnarled metal and gun turrets (I love the word “turret”) shooting each other and running vehicles off the road, all while eating raw armadillo meat off of rusty 9-inch knives.

Well, here we are, and nothing! Where did we go wrong as a people?! Wait … with the bozo currently in office I’d better watch what I ask for.

Two-thousand-great!
Personally I’m pretty jazzed about 2008 … which is the only reason I can think of as to why I just used the word “jazzed.”

There are a few things going down in ’08 that I am quite excited about. I guess the first thing I should mention is that I’m leaving the country. FOREVER! Kidding. Perhaps. I’m coming back. Maybe. Seriously … I’ll return in two weeks … possibly.

“So, what the hell are you talking about?” you ask.

“Well,” I answer, “I’m going to New Zealand, where I will be best man in my friend’s wedding. I will also bask in the summer sun, camp, check out some music (The Verlaines! The Brunettes! The Cosbys! The Nudie Suits!), maybe learn a few Mäori folk songs, and pretty much just relax and forget about real life for two weeks.”

Indeed, 2008 is starting off right.

Predicting the predictable
Of course, no one can predict the future (although I still have that time machine … don’t tempt me), but I am going to let you in on a few things happening next year that are horribly predictable coming from me:

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, May 22:
I’m wincing as I write this, but I grew up on these mofos, and I love the movies … dearly. I am also wincing because of the possibility of the new installment scarring the entire franchise (i.e. The Phantom Menace). Not to mention Harrison Ford is like 102 years old.

I’m optimistic, however. But I do not, I repeat, DO NOT, want to be one of those people who wait in line at the premier with a fedora, whip and a leather jacket … although I do own a fedora, whip and a leather jacket.

Old 97’s, as-yet-to-be-titled new album:
The band is currently in a Dallas studio working on the follow-up to 2004’s Drag It Up. I’m actually laughing as I write this because there are maybe three other people reading who even care.

If you are one of those three people, then you’ve probably already seen the live video of the Old 97’s performing “Dance With Me,” from the upcoming record. If you are part of the other three people who actually read this column, then watch and enjoy it here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DTF352z3Xw

And, most importantly:
Don’t forget to flex your power to vote in November! [Insert anyone else’s name except for that of the guy in office right now here] in 2008!! Hopefully we won’t be living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland eating raw armadillo meat off of rusty knives before then. Although I wish I had a turret on the front of my car sometimes.

The Days of Nystromo
It is true—I am going on vacation for two weeks. In fact, as you read these very words, the New Zealand sun is burning my fair skin.

But the magnificent Jason Cassidy will be filling in behind the scenes, making sure there are no blank pages back here. And West By Swan bassist/indie-rock God Conrad Nystrom will take over the column for the next two weeks. Let me just say that Conrad has more musical knowledge in his left pinky than I do in my entire right arm … or something. He’ll probably do such a great job that I won’t even need to come back. But I will. Promise.

Maybe.