Could your lips get bigger?

It is raining. My statistical game in Free Cell [a computer game] is 81 percent.

DNA was sent to the Pentagon to undergo tests and questioning due to the anthrax scare and leakage of secret information to Fox TV series The X-Files and, more specifically, Scully and her booty-licious body. Therefore I, Haley—the one with all the power—am coming at you in such extreme quantities that you could never, ever understand.

MUSIC NEWS: It should be noted that Snoop Dog is to return to the small town of Oberlin, Ohio, where he was recently arrested on weed charges. Word is he will attend his court date as well as play a free show in which he will smoke a bunch of weed and say things like “chronic” and preach the devil.

Britney Spears is playing in Las Vegas and, according to my aunt (a recent victim of plastic surgery lip enlargement, incurring loss of all possible respect) and her daughter (a sweet thing prone by her surroundings to be insecure and jaded), it’s sure to be a big hit. People say Britney is the new Madonna. She’s not a little girl any more!

This December, Moxie’s will be doing a Christmas rock kind of variety show that will include a bunch of local bands as well as an obscurist approach to A Charlie Brown Christmas. One of my personal projects, a super amazing piece of performance art, will make an appearance as well as something missing from our Chico scenery for the last couple of years, a puppet show—short but sweet and more than anything funny. Good side splitting fun. Like really old wooden toys… ridiculous.