Cheesespread
In a recent speech scrambled between military babble on C-Span, President Bush elucidated on the meaning of the War on Terrorism, which he reiterated will be a long and secretive crusade.
“Terrorism is different today than before today,” said Bush slowly, sounding out the consonants. “And this is by no means negotiable. Terrorism will be fought and conquered anywhere we deem necessary. Any nation in violation of our war on evil, they will be the so-called evildoers. Others may commit genocide or nasty tricks, but we, as the ultimate fighting watchdogs of the universe, will put down any countries that mess with the American dream of unfettered global domination.
“Our demands are simple and fair in their wisdom: We are a peaceful nation. We are a free nation. And we must be free to conduct the business of freedom at any cost—be it human, plant or animal life—around the globe or the far reaches of space. As the popular America rapper who moved from ghetto to the spoils of bankruptcy might say in song, ‘Playing with our money is like playing with our emotions, bitch.’ Trust me, fellow Americans, our business interests will not be sullied by countries that haven’t got indoor plumbing yet. So Mr. Hussein, or basically any countries in that middle section there, you best straighten up because Santa is making a list. And by Santa, I mean the U.S. Navy, who are gonna blow you to hell from a safe distance. God bless.”
Republican friends called the speech “another brilliant chess move from our esteemed president,” while members of the foreign press compared Bush to insane or retarded historical tyrants. The rest of the intelligent universe simply moaned.
Walker Texas Ranger
Can someone explain to me why a 16-year old kid from Marin County can learn fluent Arabic and become a trusted Taliban fighter in a mere four years (by his DAMN self) when our massively funded CIA institution can’t get close to providing valuable inside information?
Be a patriot, dump the SUV
“We can’t go on consuming 25 percent of the world’s oil while being only 5 percent of the global population. At least not if we want to get serious about putting the screws to any number of oil-rich and terrorist-friendly nations … We can all make simple adjustments to wean our country from the foreign oil teat, even if our leaders are too dazed by the energy and auto industry lobbies to guide us.”
—Arianna Huffington
Weekly props
1. Chico tornado
2. Judy Irving at the Chico Museum
3. Sarah Dougher at Moxie’s (12/12)
4. George Harrison (R.I.P.)
