Cheesespread

Bush’s list of pre-emptive things to do
10. Pre-emptive dating: Bomb the *N Sync boys before they get a chance to meet Jenna or the other one.

9. Pre-emptive spin: Squash story about how White House staff was on Cipro months before the anthrax scare occurred.

8. Pre-emptive media crackdown: Find new ways to regulate Internet content before people start reading too much real news.

7. Pre-emptive money counting: Finish list of 60 “terrorist” countries to attack by financial rank.

6. Pre-emptive pro-life move: Qualify fetuses as unborn children by slipping through prenatal-care bill.

5. Pre-emptive gloating: Photocopy butt on White House copier and fax to Hussein.

4. Pre-emptive propaganda: Contact networks and pressure them to run stories like 60 Minutes‘ recent piece linking Iraq to terrorism.

3. Pre-emptive payoff: Call that greenhorn Blair and calm him down.

2. Pre-emptive party plans: Book the Marshall Tucker Band and Sheryl Crow for White House post-Iraq War party.

1. Pre-emptive campaigning: Send troops to die and kill innocents over in Browntown so that Republicans won’t lose congressional seats and I can pass all the stuff I promised Daddy’s friends who put me here (privatize Social Security, school vouchers, school prayer, outlaw abortion, Alaska drilling, Homeland Security Bill, federal court confirmations, all the good stuff!).

No. 2 for sure
I pity the “local controversy” over Playboy’s completely B.S. ranking of Chico State as the nation’s No. 2 party school. C’mon now. Anyone who has actually spent “leisure time” at other schools knows Chico State is nowhere near the top (Hello? Tulane and the French Quarter, Univ. of Georgia nightlife, University of Austin? About 100 others). Please.

All that survey proves is that some Chico State students care more than most about their “party cred,” so they sent a bunch of letters/emails to that glossy rag of air-brushed, silicone head trips.

I would grant Chico State a top party ranking in the specified category of little, all-white townie colleges in the stix, though. That would be more truthful.

Shout out
Sadly, Chico punks out there missed a great show by a new band from the Bay Area that played a small local party last weekend. Allergic to Bullshit was one of the better live punk bands I’ve seen locally in years. Props go to CN&R reporter Josh Indar and his rappin’ wife Robyn for throwing the party and to the police for doing their job in a timely fashion.

Weekly props
1. Valuable Cred for sale and/or trade

2. Sacramento Kings’ new home jerseys

3. Steve Earle’s Jerusalem