Best of Chico ‘jankiness’

Tallying the totals for Best of Chico can be a mind-numbing experience. We want readers to pick whomever they like, so we include no auto-prompts on the ballot—every vote is a write-in. Thus, Turandot also gets credit for “Ternadat (sp?)” as well as “turendot,” “turindot,” “Turnadot,” “Turnadot’s” and “Turndot.”

Don’t get me started on taco trucks.

Our staff split up 94 categories six ways, which made things go faster and easier. I couldn’t resist diving into each one to mine the comedy gold. So, in a tradition now two years old, here are some of the more janky responses from reader-voters. (If you don’t know what janky means, trust me, you will shortly.)

Bank: “piggy”

Bed and breakfast: “See answer to Hotel/motel” (OK—added one more vote for Goodman House)

Bike shop: “eBay”

Car dealership: “I hate car salesmen”; “all are crooks”; “NONE!”

Grocery store: “I would say S & S, but I never go there because I’m not super rich. Trader Joe’s.”

Hotel/motel: “I live here; how would I know?”

Kids’ clothier: “Don’t let Mommy dress you like Kris Kuyper does!” (Welcome back to Chico, Mr. Weatherman …)

Music/record store: “Are there any left besides corporate megamusic stores that don’t even carry the Shins latest album?!?”

Nursery: “Enloe Hospital” (an oldie but a goodie)

Burger: “Burger Hut (I work there so I guess I have to say that, huh?)”

Chain coffeehouse: “I don’t drink no chains”

Local coffeehouse: “Naked Lounge, but not for the coffee”

Overall restaurant: “TERS HOBRAS” (We chalked that one up to Tres Hombres and all its margaritas …)

Sushi: “YUCK!”

Vegetarian food: “DOUBLE YUCK!”

Place to buy home furnishings: “NOT ASHLEYS” (Well, Ashley’s won hand’s down—sorry, sir or ma’am!)

Place to buy music supplies: “They all stink if you play the cello! (Or anything besides guitar)”

Place for a cold beer: “Wherever the mood strikes you”

Place for a glass of wine: “Under a bridge with some bums”

Place to dance: “The Plaza after a few bong rips”

Place to play basketball: “Not on concrete!”

Place to play softball: “The new park by Shasta school—it begins with a ‘g’ ” (umm, DeGarmo?)

Place to swim: “Secret skinny dipping hole in Upper Park” (OK, but beware of satellite cameras. Might not be so secret …)

Sporting event: “beer pong”

Radio station: “KZFR (the rest all suck balls, except maybe that new one isn’t too bad)”

Golf course: “We need miniature golf in Chico”

Public servant: “God” (And on the eighth day he created Cal Skate and the Putt Putt Hut, and they were good.)

Public art: “I HAVEN’T MADE IT YET”

Thing about Chico: “The friendliness of the college students—usually when drunk”

All right, know what I mean by janky now?

Here’s a definition from the Urban Dictionary: “adjective used to describe a person, place or thing which is questionable, wrong, strange, broken down, undesirable, and/or just some thing you can’t think of another word for.” I like this one, too: “action word that denotes bad taste with admiration.”

Seriously, it’s all love over here. Thanks, voters, for making Best of Chico ’07 as vibrant as ever!