Bernie Sanders is coming to Chico!

Forecast: Berning Hey, Bernie Sanders, welcome to Chico! What an inspiring way to kick off the beginning of summer break—with the season’s first heat wave being met by the refreshing winds of change. I always vote for candidates who offer something new, and Sanders is my guy. Call me a bleeding-heart liberal (please, it’d make my day), but I’d give up a France-size portion of my income for everyone to have access to all the things—college, health care—that many Americans otherwise go into debt to afford. A healthier, smarter America? I know, crazy!

The people’s muse “Hold Me Closer, Bernie Sanders,” by Punned It (sung to the tune of “Tiny Dancer”): You’re getting closer, Bernie Sanders/Count donations from the people/Lay your plan out on the table/Get money out of politics today …

What a cop out, Punned It. You write a pro-Sanders song parodying one of the most recognizable love songs of all time, and you don’t take advantage of the one part of the song that everybody would be able to sing along with?! You say it in your title, so get in there, feel a little Bern and sing it proud, then sit back and wait as the sound of Bernie Nation overtakes you shouting in chorus to its fuzzy-headed boo: “HOLD ME CLOSER, BERNIE SANDERS!”

Actually, for what it is, Punned It’s song is pretty well done (hear it at www.punnedit.bandcamp.com), and has this killer line about Bernie and Jane O’Meara Sanders’ support in founding the long-running all-ages 242 Main venue in Burlington, Vt.: “Started out mayor, a major player/in the Vermont punk-rock scene.” And it’s certainly a better song than most of the 147 on the Bernie Sanders 2016 Songs playlist (www.goo.gl/vfTEJ1). In fact, many aren’t even as good as Sanders himself talk-singing a reggae version of “This Land Is Your Land” (recorded for his 1987 album of folk tunes, We Shall Overcome), which is probably all you need to know.

The best song that I’ve found so far (at www.goo.gl/LPHwQV) is a corrido by Modesto band Grupo la Meta, called “El Quemazón” (or “The Burning”): “Bernie Sanders se llama el compa/Su quemazón ahora van a sentir” (“Bernie Sanders is the name of a friend/Now you’re going to feel his Bern.”).

Yes! That and his visit to Chico and Sanders’ own words from the campaign trail should be more than enough to inspire some of our town’s progressive musicians to create a song to add to history’s soundtrack. What about a punk-rock call to action called “Let Me Tell You Something!” with the first line: “For many, the American Dream has become a nightmare!” Or a 15-minute doom-metal dirge called “Yuge” (sung as a pissed off Cookie Monster: “This is gonna be YUUUUUUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”). C’mon, Chico!

Star Sixty-Seven “Got a secret true story you’ve never told anyone? A tale stranger than fiction? Whether it’s good, bad, scandalous or mundane, Uncle Dad’s wants to hear it.” You heard the fun-makers of the Uncle Dad’s Arts Collective—call their hotline by dialing *67 (which makes it anonymous) 530-588-0129, and tell a story that they’ll turn into some kind of art.

Last day for Monca benefit tickets Today, June 2, is the last day to purchase tickets online for the Museum of Northern California Art’s Destination 900 fundraising gala, Saturday, June 11, at Silver Dollar Fairgrounds. It’s a fancy affair, with dinner by Bacio Catering and performances by Chikoko, Wolfthump, Skydance, the Chico Dance Hams and Chico Acro. Tickets are $125 and available at www.eventbrite.com (search “Destination 900”).