Arts DEVO

D or D? As I read some of the statements made by the Protect Marriage lawyer speaking before the Supreme Court this week, I found myself struggling to come up with a way to describe those fighting against marriage rights for same-sex couples. Are they douches? Or are they dicks? Both of the “D” words are among my favorites, so when the lawyer talked about “responsible procreation,” I was torn between screaming “he’s being a total dick” or yelling “what a douche.”

Douche isn’t it though. I mean, I love finding and pointing them out, but douches are basically those whose behavior is obnoxious to the point that everyone agrees they’re pretty annoying—if fairly harmless—while the douches remain oblivious to it all. No, this smells more like dick—someone who knows full well that what they’re doing is wrong, and that they are affecting others negatively with their choices and yet continue with their dickish behavior regardless.

The Protect Marriage people are definitely dicks. I do not for one second believe that they are being truthful. I do believe that they know that if they tried to go into a courtroom and make their argument based solely on religious grounds, they’d get spanked red by the First Amendment. So they’ve come up with the “protect marriage” workaround, where their main point is that the primary purpose of marriage is “to increase the likelihood of children being raised by the mother and the father who brought them into the world.” Huh? That’s news to me and my wife of nearly 20 child-free years; our purposes including such off-the-wall ideas as love, security, companionship, sex, friendship, bacon and noisy rock music.

The truth is, opposite-sex couples have, and will always have, the right to marry for any “primary reason” they choose. I think the Protect Marriage folks are being disingenuous, and their choice to willfully hide behind that ridiculous premise is hurting others. That is exactly what being a dick is all about. If, like the sign-waving masses they represent, the lobbyists just said, “Screw homos! We don’t want them to marry because our religion tells us so,” then I’d have way less of a problem. They’d at least be saying what they really believe, and not be hiding behind some made-up line of reasoning. Of course, trying to push your religious views on others is hovering over the douche/dick border, but thanks to religious freedom it’s less a threat and more of an annoyance.

Now, as much as I believe that sometimes a firm sock in the crotch can greatly reduce one’s dickishness, I don’t think getting physical with these particularly stiff members of the Protect Marriage lobby would do anything but bolster their cause. However, maybe if a judge or nine were willing to punch some D, we could start down the road of being a less dickish country.

Savage the creator Hey, have you seen the commotion over at the old Last Stand Comedy Venue? Turns out the cozy spot is once again hosting live events. Local musician/promoter Matt Savage has relocated his Band Creator concert venue/recording space to the former stand-up spot’s old digs at 167 E. Third St., and he’s already taking advantage of his new downtown visibility and putting on a busy and eclectic calendar of shows featuring mostly local bands. Just this weekend there are four: a rap and dubstep party with Sykopath and JT (tonight, 8 p.m.); a local-band night with Threk (dance/funk) and death-metalers Astronaut (Friday, March 29, 8 p.m.); a morning-time music-student recital and open mic (Saturday, March 30, 10 a.m.); and a performance by Redding/Red Bluff metal crew The Silent Cartographer (Saturday, 8 p.m.). Check out a show and support a new venue in town.