Arts DEVO

I want to give it to you Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and Arts DEVO wants to do something special for his readers to honor the celebration of love and all those fun love-associated activities. So, in the Feb. 14 issue of the Chico News & Review, this column space is going to be transformed into Arts DEVO’s Groovy, Funky, Stanky Sex-Advice Column.

I’m not a professional sex therapist, nor a trained advice columnist. But I have heard of Furries, and I saw a picture once of a chick riding around on a saddle on a pasty wide dude’s back. I also love my readers, and I’d like to think that my willingness to expose your most intimate secrets in a pubic forum might actually be nurturing a fetish or four that you might have.

C’mon, just trust me with all your secrets!

You have until Feb. 8 to send in your questions, letters, or even your fan fiction (DEVO-slash-Lady Gaga?).

Don’t die Welcome back to town collegians and collegiate-adjacent thrill seekers. This weekend kicks off Chico’s four-month-long puke-a-punch-a-papilloma-thon, and your friendly arts columnist knows there is no talking anyone out of joining the party. But, if I may, there are three pieces of advice I would like to pass on that will in no way hinder your ability to have fun, but they just might help you and your friends from becoming a sad story in the newspaper.

1. If you’re on foot or on a bike, don’t travel anywhere in Chico alone at night. Mr. Stabby over there and his creepy friend Chester the Molester are not here for the good times.

2. Leave your knife at home. I get it. Your knife is super sweet! Now that we agree on that, leave it in the dartboard.

3. Have your friend’s back. Passed out, fucked up, or otherwise unaware members of your crew need your attention and probably that of a medical professional in order to not hurt themselves, possibly permanently. If there is any question at all about a fellow party animal’s condition, bite the bullet and call 911. Better to have to ask for forgiveness from your friend than from their grieving parents.

•Two shows: Living Karaoke Band fundraiser for The Bookstore, featuring dozens of covers of Rolling Stones songs by local singers, Friday, Jan. 25, 8 p.m., at the DownLo. And Sunday, Jan. 27, 7 p.m., at Café Flo, SXO, Fera, and the debut of Arts DEVO-approved She Fetus. It’s an early show, so get there … early!