Arts DEVO

Beware the Ides of March It looks like as of March 15, 2011, in an effort “to put an end to all the madness,” Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg will shut down his social-network site for good. Weekly World News first reported it—right next to the article on How to Sell Your Soul to the Devil (“Remember to set up a life-extension clause.”)—and then the Internets confirmed it … and then the “real” anonymous online comments put it all into context:

You end facebook… i’ll personally take a plane all da way across the continent and punch u in da face… Man this is our life… u cant take it away from us…

facebook is a movement, like the beatles, it’s like banning us from hearing the beatles. why do such a thing?

Endin d fazbuk i dont tink dat it is good idea … just take it as ur destiny dis universe is full of war wot u nid to do be praying dat God should vernish ur enemies of progress dat want to cause dilema to ur future.

IF FACEBOOK GETS SHUT DOWN WE ALL BE HITTEN U MYSPACE LOL BUT MYSPACE HAS LOTS OF PERVERTS SO IM GUESSING HALF OF US WILL EITHER BE ON TWITTER OR FIZZLIVE

It all makes sense to Arts DEVO—the Weekly World News has never steered me wrong. It’s the same fake-news site that broke the story about rednecks hunting down and capturing Osama Bin Laden in Missouri, so I’m just gonna run with this one.

Life is going to be so weird without Facebook though.

I don’t think I’ll ever know what Sarah Palin was quoted as saying again (unless I go to any other website on Earth), or which of my friends is cooking a new vegetarian recipe this week. Plus, how will the CN&R know what people under the age of 40 are up to? And what about the Weakly Synthesis? They’ll have no research resources whatsoever. How will they conduct their polls?!

Wonder what’s going on over at Friendster?

Yo, Art! Heard a great nickname during a pickup game at the gym the other day: “Artistic.” The dude’s name was Art, and while Artistic might otherwise be kind of a lame play on our shared forename, on the basketball court it’s pretty rad—right up there with Hot Sauce or Sick Wit It.

It kind of sucks though, because two people can’t have the same streetball name, so I can’t advocate for it being my new handle. Maybe I could be Picasso? (“He’s breakin’ ankles so bad they look cubist!”) Or The Bard? (“Be not afraid of greatness—some are born great.”) The Impressionist? (“He’s like a blur of shapes and colors!”) … I might be on to something.

DEVOtions

• RAYRAY turns 1: RAYRAY Gallery celebrates its first year Friday, Jan. 15, at 6 p.m., with a DJ, dancing, games, goodies, fortune-telling and probably some art too.

• Bustolini’s Comedy Night: Friday, Jan. 15, 7:30 p.m., at the Blue Room Theatre, Bustolini’s Deli hosts another comedy variety show with Sacramento’s Bryan Yang, Buck “Fatso” Ernest and many more.