Next Best Thing, The

The sad story of a musical idol who cannot figure out what country she is from, causing a strange speech affliction that has her alternately sounding like a British heiress and a Brooklynite. Actually, the film is about somebody played by Madonna having sex with her gay best friend, having him move into her household as the father of the child and subsequently her betraying him on every possible level. I think it’s supposed to be a comedy, but laughter was far from my mind as I struggled to keep the contents of my stomach on their proper course towards my gastrointestinal system.